LOST > Me > Matt Record

[scene = An auditorium. Adam is holding a press conference for his loyal subjects who he feels obligated to explain why he hasn't posted a blog yet on the TV Without Pictures site.]

HEY! Fellow TV No P'ers, how is it going?

I am here today doing a much belated blog post. I am late to posting because I've been busy doing things that the other people on the TV No Pics show aren't busy doing such as:

1. Getting into the finals for an amazing, local contest that revolves around generating laughs.
2. Helping my dear friend Morris Gumroot prepare for the finals in the very same amazing, local contest that revolves around generating laughs.
3. I have been busy in our Improv 101 class at the UCB school in NYC. (NOTE: I don't really need any comedy training. I just do it to stay in touch with my people)

So that explains why I have not bloggified any time recently.

"BUT WAIT!"

"ADAM, I heard a nasty rumor that you will not be featured on the podcast that is being done tonight! Say it isn't so my leige."

First and foremost, thank you serf-folk. You serve your master well.

Secondly, yes, the rumors are true (GASP!) my outstanding voice will not be heard on tonight's TV No P, because Matthew Record doesn't feel like waiting 11 weeks for me to be ready to perform on a Thursday, and because he smells like an old bag of dicks.

"Why must it be 11 weeks Sir Adam?"

Because peasant Pete - LOST's new day is Thursdays. After 3 seasons of it being on Wednesday night, they decided to smack it on a Thursday. So now I'm isolated from society from 8pm-10pm on Thursday's.

"But LOST is a 1 hour show (excluding season finales) why do you need 2 hours of LOST isolation?"

Simple - you see I watch the re-run they air of the prior week's episode BECAUSE they have subtitles on the bottom that sometimes describe certain events in a very detailed style. Thus giving me more clues to the island and it's inhabitants.

Now I must be going because daddy has got quite a bit of stuff to do.

"Wait one last question! Please!"

Ok yes, you in the back with the "I Heart Adam" shirt on.

"Why does Matt Record smell like an old bag of dicks?"

Because my good man. Matt Record is too busy handing out minimal points to me during the show, which cuts his bath time in half. THUS! He smells like an old bag of dicks.

Thank you all and good day.