The Exciting Life of a Long Islander: A Survey

Hello everyone, Mike here.

Like many human beings, I have an account on Myspace.com. I actually have my name affixed to 7 Myspace accounts (bands, projects, failed dreams and aspirations--you know the kind), but that's neither here nor there. Point is, I have at least one, and I have at least one friend (I actually have 1+ friends!)

Myspace.com has this feature where you can see the last 10 or so bulletins posted on your friends' bulletin board. Many times, these are spam, or notifications that "new pics/z" were posted on a friend's page. Some times, these are surveys, which harken back a sense of nostalgia for the 80s, movies, video games, high-school, or your geographic location.

Recently, a friend of mine took one all based on the lovely island that I grew up on: Long Island, New York. I thought I'd share with you my response for some of the questions on the survey, for you see, I take these surveys, yet never post them. I only take them to kill time and amuse myself. But thanks to the TV Without Pictures Blog, I can now potentially amuse others!

The Exciting Life of a Long Islander: A Survey

Do you own any Billy Joel CDs?
No, I do not.

Do you like Billy Joel?
Some of his stuff.

Do you know anyone who went to Chaminade?
I don't even know what it is.

North shore or south shore?
Depends on what I'm going there for. Both have their pros and cons.

Have you ever seen a famous person in the Hamptons?
No.

Are you, your parents, or grandparents originally from the city?
My mom & her side of the family are originally from Brooklyn.

Have you ever "changed at Jamaica?"
Yes. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, what a life. The life...OF A LONG ISLANDER! WE'RE SO QUIRKY!

What is your exit?
YOU ARE REFERRING TO THE EXIT OFF OF THE L.I.E., AREN'T YOU?!? AGAIN WITH THE QUIRKINESS! oh me, oh my. Only us LONG ISLANDERS would understand this! This is where the humor and enjoyment lies in this survey. If I ever move back to Long Island, I'll keep you notified of my nearest exit.

Does the name 'Donna Donna' mean anything to you?
Not at all.

Have you ever seen someone you know on News 12?
No.

Have you ever been to the OBI?
No.

What does DPA stand for?
Deer Park Avenue. THIS IS ANOTHER STATEMENT TO WHICH THE EXPECTED RESPONSE OF THE PEOPLE IN THE GEOGRAPHIC LOCATION OF LONG ISLAND WOULD ALL KNOW, HOWEVER THOSE, FOR ARGUMENT'S SAKE, LIVING IN UTAH, WOULD NOT HAVE THIS SAME RESPONSE!

Admit it - have you ever cruised DPA?
No. Because cars to me are best described by this ascii-inspired diagram:

A ---------------> B

Are you a fan of The Islanders?
No. I am a fan of the LA Kings circa 1993-1995 in the NHL games on Genesis and SNES.

Jones Beach or Robert Moses?
I prefer to go to Robert Moses Beach.

Have you ever driven illegally in the HOV?
No. The HOV lane is for car-poolers and (now) state-certified "Clean Energy Vehicles" from 6am-10am & 3pm-8pm on Monday-Friday. Any other time it's aces to go in alone.

What does L.I.E. stand for?
Long Island Expressway. WERE YOU WAITING FOR A SATIRICAL RESPONSE? US LONG ISLANDERS ARE OFTEN AGGRAVATED BY THE L.I.E. DUE TO THE TRAFFIC!

Have you ever worked at King Kullen?
I have never worked at a supermarket.

Waldbaum's?
I have never worked at a supermarket.

Where do you get your pizza?
DUE TO THE LARGE AMOUNT OF ITALIAN IMMIGRATION INTO LONG ISLAND, WE, LIKE ALL THE BOROUGHS OF NEW YORK CITY, HAVE A LARGE NUMBER OF PLACES FROM WHICH WE CAN PURCHASE PIZZA!! I got mine from Zino's in the Gateway Shopping Center.

Remember Bill Baird?
No.

Admit it - you listen to WBLI?
I do not listen to the radio.

Do you know the WALK jingle?
I do not listen to the radio.

How many 7-11s are there within a 1 mile radius from you?
1 mile? none. HOWEVER THIS STATEMENT UTILIZES THE LARGE NUMBER OF 7-11s ON LONG ISLAND FOR COMEDIC EFFECT! Within about a 3 mile radius there are approximately 5.

Do you stop at "sevs" every morning before work/school?
"SEVS" IS A COMMON NICKNAME FOR 7-11! No, I do not.

Have you ever gone sledding in the sump?
No. I went sledding on nearby "hills," which isn't saying much about their incline given that LONG ISLAND WAS FORMED FROM THE DEBRIS AND WASTE OF TWO SEPARATE GLACIERS AND THEREFORE DOES NOT HAVE HILLY TERRAIN!

Do you ever go "downport"?
I honestly don't know what this means.

Have you and your friends ever gone looking for Mary's Grave?
My friends have. I am not interested in partaking in events which are intended to scare me, since I am not a fan of an increased and unstable heart-rate coupled with feelings of fear and anxiety.

Do you have a favorite beach?
As previously stated, I prefer Robert Moses beach. I especially prefer Robert Moses Beach to the man himself, who was noted for being racist and classist.

Ever been to King's Park Asylum?
No, for the same reason I have never tried to find "Mary's Grave."

Is there a deli or a bagel shop within 1 mile from your house?
THIS IS ANOTHER QUESTION WHICH REQUIRES AN INTIMATE KNOWLEDGE OF LONG ISLAND! FOR, YOU SEE, THERE IS A MULTITUDE OF BOTH DELIs AND BAGEL STORES ON LONG ISLAND! There are 3 delis and 2 bagel stores within 1 mile of my old house.

Do you think upstate New York isn’t really New York?
MANY PEOPLE FROM THE BRONX TO MONTAUK DO NOT CONSIDER UPSTATE NEW YORK "NEW YORK" DUE TO THE IMMENSE DIFFERENCE IN LIFESTYLE AND CULTURE! I consider it "Upstate New York." When I say "New York," I'm referring to either the state which I live in, or the 5 boroughs which make up New York City.

Do you know where every diner within a half-hour drive is?
THERE ARE MANY DINERS ON LONG ISLAND! ALSO, LONG-ISLANDERS ARE KNOWN FOR MEASURING DISTANCE WITH TIME, SUCH AS IN THE CASE OF THIS QUESTION. IN MANY OTHER AREAS OF THE COUNTRY AND THE WORLD, DISTANCE ISN'T MEASURED IN THE AVERAGE TIME IT WOULD TAKE SOMEONE TO DRIVE THERE, BUT RATHER IN MILES OR KILOMETERS! And I think I know about 87% of the Diners in a half-hour drive from my old house. I may know them all, but I'm accounting for some in areas I wouldn't particularly wish to venture in for a diner.

Have you ever gotten drunk on the beach at night?
No.

Have you ever gotten drunk on the L.I.R.R.?
MANY LONG ISLANDERS DRINK ON THE RAILROAD WHILE THEY ARE TRAVELING! No.

Have you ever stayed at the Commack Motor Inn?
THE COMMACK MOTOR INN IS NOTORIOUS FOR BEING A PLACE WHERE PROSTITUTES, WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE EMPLOYED BY THE OWNERS OF THE INN, FREQUENTLY DO BUSINESS! I've been kicked out of the parking lot while trying to walk through it since a friend lived nearby.

Ever seen a show at Theatre Three?
No, nor do I know what it is.

Have you ever wondered where Theatres 1 and 2 are?
Since I am unfamiliar with "Theatre Three," this has never been a concern of mine.

Name 3 famous people from Long Island.
Chuck D, Billy Joel, and Ken Marino.

K-Rock or Z100?
I do not listen to the radio.

Have you ever seen a show on Broadway?
Yes. However, I do not like plays or musicals.


Wow, what a time we shared! I feel everyone knows a bit more about me, and a whole lot more about Long Island. Keep on rockin' out there, wherever you are!