Side-note: As a word-nerd, I am unsure whether or not I should be calling this blog post "TV Without Pictures." The title's denotation to me refers to the podcast, and this here ain't no podcast. So, let this be a lesson to you: language is always changing. Why, just two weeks ago, calling a blog post "TV Without Pictures" would be as absurd as saying "My house is being painted" was in the 18th Century (they said "My house is painting," and found our current phrasing to be illogical and horribly wrong!). But now, I can safely call this "TV Without Pictures." What's next? I say, calling our children and our religion "TV Without Pictures."
What kind of podcast would this be if we didn't lean towards world domination?
Anyways, back to the point: it's Columbus Day!
For those of you who don't know, Columbus Day is the semi-controversial holiday observed in the Americas and Spain on the second Monday in October (that's the USA's tradition, anyway. The official date of Columbus's arrival was October 12). For the purpose of creating uniform answers, and because I lives here, I does, I will be writing about this Holiday from a "USA viewpoint."
So, what does Columbus Day mean to you if you reside in these United States o' America? Well, it means you may get off work! Certain businesses close down in observance of this jolly occasion. What else does it mean? Well, like most any day in which a vast number of citizens will be available to "shoppe 'till ye dropp," it means COLUMBUS DAY SAVINGS!!!!
That's right! Businesses large and small utilize this day as one which they can "slash prices." But why, you ask? Well, there are two theories:
One relates to a statement I made previously. This theory suggests that due to the large number of people who do not have work today in observance of the nationally declared holiday, stores know that by having sales, they can get more people into their store to shop. More people shopping means more profit gained, even taking into account the "MAJOR DISCOUNTS!!!!" they may offer.
This theory, while seemingly logical, has a major flaw: historical accuracy. When Columbus stumbled upon the Americas and then took credit for it, like a pubescent boy finding his father's Playboy collection and proudly showcasing it to his friends, he did not shop 'till he dropped in what is now the Bahamas; instead, he observed the island's natural inhabitants--writing in his journal: "It appears to me, that the people are ingenious, and would be good servants and I am of opinion that they would very readily become Christians, as they appear to have no religion." Then, two days later, this loving guy ready to enslave the innocent wrote "I could conquer the whole of them with 50 men, and govern them as I pleased."
And isn't this our current attitude on savings? I know I'm ready to "conquer" a retail store with my coupons and "govern" my new toaster "as I pleased."
So why is it that people are opposed to this happy ol' holiday? "Is it because the 1421 hypothesis, if accurate, would prove that Columbus didn't do anything that China hadn't already done years earlier?"
No! But, ummmm, that's a good point.
Wikipedia's article on Columbus Day (which is not yet locked for editing, so by the time you check, it may just contain the word "PENIS" in size 72 font) gives us a little glimpse as to why some people think this holiday ain't all that good:
Opposition to the holiday cites the fact that Columbus and many of the conquistador followers treated the American Indians with great cruelty. Columbus directly brought about the demise of many Taino (Arawak) Indians on the island of Hispaniola, and the arrival of the Europeans indirectly slew many indigenous peoples by bringing diseases previously unknown in the New World.Great cruelty? From the man who wrote in his journal that the indigenous peoples of the Bahamas would make "good servants," and that he could "conquer the whole of them with 50 men, and govern them as [he] pleased"?!? Well, I never!
And as for that disease remark, well, isn't giving what this day is all about? Why, I'm sure that if you asked a survivor at the time, he or she would say
The disease upon this blanket may have wiped out my entire family, but the savings sure wiped away my frown!At least that's what my American History textbook from grade school would like me to believe.
So, in the end we have gone full circle, much like the explorer for whom the day is named, and arrived back where we started: nothing can be certain. And, of course, despite the semi-sarcastic and (potentially) humorous tone which I have taken for this article, I fully accept both sides of the argument about today. So, given that this article is all in the name of fun, you may celebrate, or protest this day as much as you may like--I support ye. Although, if you do the latter, you may get cuffed.
Also, I understand that I didn't really discuss TV Without Pictures, the podcast. So, I'll do that now: today episode 2 goes up! Ready yourself to acquire so much funny that the government may audit you based on where and how you got it all.
And you can tell 'em right here: www.tvwithoutpictures.com
1 comment:
There's something very frenetic about the way you write, Mike.
Keep up the fine work.
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